Monthly Archives: June 2014

Back from Cumbria

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I was away for three weeks. No one missed me. And there wasn’t a hoax on Twitter saying I was dead. Oh well, not popular yet then.
Okay, yes I am back, the three weeks away in Cumbria did me some good. While I was there I met up with Steve and his family (D and G), it was great
to see them again. I also met some new friends while I was away (Lisa, Mark and Lilly), a lovely family, very supportive.
I won’t giveaway much more, there will be a free ebook out very soon. So, on that note my dear readers, I am sodding off for today.

Steve’s website:

Farting Translation

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– Farting, the same in any language.

I’ve been away for a couple of weeks nearly in the countryside, it’s been fabulous so far, loads of peace, just what the doctor ordered. Before I start on this farting blog, I would like to thank Steve, D and G for the fantastic weekend we all had, we will have to do it again. Don’t worry, my loved reader, you will find out about our adventures in an upcoming book, try to hold the excitement until the book is published.
Now, back to farting. As I said before, I am currently camping. So far, we’ve had many neighbours, each from different parts of this place we call earth. Today, we were surprised to find that we had some French neighbours. I know the odd bit of French, well that’s if you believe my GCSE results, an A star apparently, eggs on their face, I never attended the exam, but needless to say, it makes a nice story to tell.
As the evening came I could sense a disturbance in the force, I was ready to open the pod bay doors to drop a load of gas across the star ship enterprise; now that I’ve ruined a classic film with a few remarks to my backside, let’s move swiftly on.
I was lying on my bed and suddenly I dropped a noisy, but smelly fart. Myself and dad started to laugh, but suddenly we heard fits of laughter from the neighbouring tent. I don’t know if they were really laughing about my gross bowel habits, but it was too much of a coincidence not to think they were, either way, a fart is funny no matter where you come from.
Well, I was going to end this blog at the last sentence, but I couldn’t resist adding this. As we were lying in bed, dad in his wisdom decides to drop his guts—let one go—and stink out the tent. After a couple of times, we were in fits of laughter. Dad was laughing so much that he was struggling to even put a sentence together. I swear it’s something in the water, I’ve been having similar problems, but unlike Dad, I’m unable to go properly.
According to Dad—I will leave out the details—when he was in the toilet, someone said along the lines of ‘what the hell was that?’ Dad didn’t answer, he just sat in the cubical laughing his head off. See, who needs drink to make you laugh, when you can fart?

Size Up

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Today I went shopping for new clothes, it was about time that I refreshed my wardrobe, and after all this weight gain, well, I needed to buy clothes that fit me. The last time I brought clothes, was years ago when I started to recover from anorexia. Now with my recovery under control, I can finally buy clothes for my age range.
When we left the house I started to feel very anxious, it was like a pressure hanging over me, needless to say, I carried on and ignored the anxiety waves that were trying to take over my nerves. At first it wasn’t easy, but then I just looked out the window and enjoyed the scenery—instant cure. We arrived at the shop and as soon as I stepped out the car, my anxiety kicked up a fuss once again, so again, I focused on other things, and after five minutes, the feeling went away.
I won’t explain all the shopping journey, after all, clothes shopping is already boring enough without me piling on it. The clothes I brought were two shirts, two pairs of three-quarter-lengths, and a pair of flip flops—yes you read that right, flip flops. I thought it was about time I changed my image, my body is changing, and it’s about time I changed with it. Problem with me is, I get stuck in a rut, I never want to change things, if I had my way, I would be wearing jumpers all the time just for comfort.
Anyway. This was my day, let’s just hope my anxiety will continue to get better. I am signing off for now, I am so tired, in need of a rest.


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