Relaxing in the caravan in Wales, Rhyl.
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My boxers are getting smaller,
My waist is being squeezed,
If I’m not careful,
They won’t pull up past my knees,
I don’t dare sneeze,
I don’t dare cough,
If I do,
It could rip apart my nuts,
Walking around like I shit myself,
It really makes people stare,
Chafing and cutting in all places,
And people don’t even care,
I would take them off,
But I would be arrested,
Exposing myself is crime,
So there’s nothing I can do,
It will rip my nuts virtually in two.
I think my dads an alcoholic,
He came home struggling through the door,
With a pint in one hand,
And slurring his words as he hit the floor,
Mum wasn’t happy to see him in this state,
She said get up you drunk,
You’re spilling your beer all over the place,
You’re a drunken disgrace,
As dad staggered up from the floor,
He found the words to piss her off even more,
I was sick on the step and I fell in the flowerbed,
She just smiled and cracked him one across the head,
This teach him to come home drunk,
Mum kicked him out into the garden,
Without a word or even a pardon,
I won’t have you in my house you reek like a beer garden.
IT’S BEEN SOMETIME since I wrote a Monday Blog. What can I say? Life has been taking it’s toll on me, and due to the stress I have gained a lot of weight.
As some of you may know, I have been gaining weight after recovering from anorexia—yes, makes suffer from it too! This weight gain has been fantastic, but I’m now at a stage where I’m over recommended weight levels, I’m still at a healthy weight, but borderline—funny that, I was underweight back in January. I have put this weight gain down to an unexplained growl in the stomach, I may be wrong, but that’s all I can put it down to currently.
Anyhow, I will keep you all updated, this was only a quick blog.
Oh I am stuffed,
And I am full up,
Don’t stick a fork in me,
Or else I will combust,
This food I’m eating will make me fat,
I’m double the size than that Garfield cat,
Loads of lasagne has nothing on me,
Give me biscuits and I will be happy,
I feel like I’m carrying twins,
I look like a beach ball,
I may even be a whale,
And don’t tell my mum but I think I broke the scales,
Oh this life is great,
Stuffed to the brim and happy,
But watch out when you’re stuffed,
Because you might completely combust.